I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
