The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Operation Purity has been aborted
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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