Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
