my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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