Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
