I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
