Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
