I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This is the high leading the old right now
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
