i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
