Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
