shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
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