I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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