just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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