that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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