you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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