why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I cut my penus on the lid.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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