He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
