i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
