I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
