its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
