no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
