theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
