Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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