I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
