so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
