I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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