I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
