I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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