I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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