Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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