just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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