He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
