Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
