No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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