how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
