Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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