why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
