When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
