the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
