It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
