ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
