And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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