I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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