All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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