if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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