Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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