If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
