party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
