I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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