Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
